Well recently our esteemed platoon sergeant decided to detain (arrest) any elder that was involved in allowing the kids to throw rocks at his soldiers. His idea behind this was to threaten them with jail if they continued to allow kids to fling rocks at us. The theory worked for a few weeks but these kids are so unruly that they fail to listen to their elders…What are kids coming to these days?…
I thing you can see where this is going…
I was most recently attacked 2 days ago by the rascals so I of course retaliated immediately with equal force. Thankfully I brought my loyal wrist rocket 9000 and a bag of red paint balls to sling at the young vagabonds. They then decided it was a grand idea to throw even bigger rocks at me. These young fools were quite close several times to beaning me in the face with these sharp projectiles.
If it were not for my part matrix like abilities, these charlatans would have wounded me more than once. I have furthermore concluded that paint balls are not quite painful enough of an object for me to propel out of my sling so I am going to upgrade to marbles. One might think that marbles are a little much, or even a soldier of my quiet poise should not be hitting children with objects because they are innocent and do not know any better.
You are quite mistaken!
I firmly believe that the acts I have committed of slinging rocks/paint balls at these young swashbucklers is quite appropriate. Just imagine me chastising them in their parents place…because of course they don’t do it… I am teaching them a lesson, so to speak. Granted, I do wear an XL helmet so I know I am quite the target, and these kids probably think it is just a game.
First one to hit the big headed guy wins!
Nonetheless, it is my solemn duty as a soldier of America to defend myself, and in the case of these young peasants, I will not stop because of their age.
So you see, although I tend to be portrayed as the big-hearted gentle giant, I do indeed have a do not mess with me side. So all I can say if you wanna throw rocks you better think twice, pal!